On Thursday night, I learned EXACTLY what my class was about. COM131 Fundamentals of Speech Communications... Public Speaking Class... Our instructor, and the head of our little branch of NAU, asked us a lot of questions. Me being me, answered freely and honestly. THEN she had us read in front of the class. When I finally summoned the nerve to take my turn, she called extra attention to me. (I wasn't the only one she did this too. I was still mortified.) It is the first time I have EVER wanted to thwack any instructor with my textbook.
That was my public speaking nightmare come true. I took a deep breath, subdued my less than kind instinct, subdued the urge to try and shrink enough to hide behind the lectern, and read my paragraph. Then cracked a joke and headed back to my seat. 1 down, 4 to go. AND, one of them will not have an audience I have to look at because it is recorded.
I know I have to learn this but, MAN! I would rather take a philosophy (my, former, least favorite subject) class. To find the silver lining... I read, and read well. I DID control my less civil urge and it will be easier next time. That was the point of the exercise. Goal accomplished. Now on to personal introductions.
We need to use song lyrics within our personal introduction. I keep batting around the song lyrics, but really, the easiest approach is to write the speech; then slip in lyrics that fit what I want to say. One step at a time.... 2-3 minutes about me. It's a good thing I just updated my linkdn and Blogger accounts. I can skim material from those sources to create the introduction notes. Blessings abound. As do thoughts of sleep.... goodnight for now.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
A rollercoaster day
It was the best of days. It was the worst of the days. I lost my Kindle Fire at the hands of my 9-year-old then, I found out I only have about a year left of school. I could graduate next December as long as I can keep going.
I almost cried, repeatedly, today. So many years, so many classes and I'm nearly there. Again, tears. I'm so relieved. No more philosophy classes, only one more history class, Spanish, and then I'm straight on to my major and keeping my promises (same promise to multiple people). My word is important to me.
Then what? research? a think tank (that idea makes me giddy)? A masters? Or perhaps just settling down and teaching the kids how to get along in society.... I really don't know what I want anymore.
As I told Sydney today, the whole world is before me (though I said you) waiting to be explored. I also told him that if he was ever caught cheating again I would drop him about 2 miles from the house, on the dirt road, and make him walk home. I didn't mention someone else would be walking with him, Danny graciously volunteered.
Like I said, a rollercoaster. It's too bad psych meds that stabilize also shut off access to my thinking processes. I could have used some help today. But, we all lived.
I almost cried, repeatedly, today. So many years, so many classes and I'm nearly there. Again, tears. I'm so relieved. No more philosophy classes, only one more history class, Spanish, and then I'm straight on to my major and keeping my promises (same promise to multiple people). My word is important to me.
Then what? research? a think tank (that idea makes me giddy)? A masters? Or perhaps just settling down and teaching the kids how to get along in society.... I really don't know what I want anymore.
As I told Sydney today, the whole world is before me (though I said you) waiting to be explored. I also told him that if he was ever caught cheating again I would drop him about 2 miles from the house, on the dirt road, and make him walk home. I didn't mention someone else would be walking with him, Danny graciously volunteered.
Like I said, a rollercoaster. It's too bad psych meds that stabilize also shut off access to my thinking processes. I could have used some help today. But, we all lived.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
thoughts and Movies
I have spent the last two weeks really thinking and praying over the many decisions that will form my fate and the future of my family. With my IQ, I have always known I can do anything I want to do. I always have. Until recently my health (mental and physical) has presented many hurdles. Now, I have options and many doorways seem to be opening.
Right now the course I am walking will take me to the completion of my BS in Applied Human Behavior with an emphasis in entrepreneurship. So many roads lead out from there. I don't even know what I really want beyond finishing...
I went back to school to keep a promise to everyone. When I left school to get married those who sponsored me, my Mother, my Husband, and many others elicited one promise from me. "Finish school." I try to always keep my promises. If I stick this out, I will be done 2 years from December... Then what?
Too many possibilities. I looked into the going pure IQ route... Something odd happened when I began that; the tv got hacked and the first show on was IQ. My Mom tried to connect with me while watching this show. She explained that I was like Katherine and I needed to get in touch with my heart and let it guide me. I haven't thought much about her advice over the years, or the movie. But, this on Friday, I remembered all that she wanted for me.
Perhaps it's not possible, but I believe that anything can be learned, even emotion. The more I look into psychology, the more I am convinced that Bella and I have a shot at normal human interaction beyond our small circles. After all, emotion is just another language to master.
Perhaps that may be a path that I will take. learning to communicate to the general public and teaching those like me to apply their intellect to the practice of real connection with other people. It could flop but, if I succeed, my children will have a future with happy interactions that I had to fight for. OH! my Bella! if only I could have been motivated sooner, perhaps I could have cracked the code before now. For now, I do a lot of exposure to social situations and walk her through the normal cues and nonverbals that she is oblivious to and I learned the hard way.
Perhaps, one day, there will be hope. Now I watch helpless with only the option to homeschool until she's old enough for the GED.... So many thoughts. Once again, I see at the end of my thinking what path I want most. That which occupies my waking and sleeping thoughts, help my beloved children to cope with life. If I find it, and I usually find what I'm looking for, then I will have given my darlings the greatest thing a mother can; wings, and a future.... I will think on this more. I do like the train my thoughts are taking. But I still have time and anything can happen.
Right now the course I am walking will take me to the completion of my BS in Applied Human Behavior with an emphasis in entrepreneurship. So many roads lead out from there. I don't even know what I really want beyond finishing...
I went back to school to keep a promise to everyone. When I left school to get married those who sponsored me, my Mother, my Husband, and many others elicited one promise from me. "Finish school." I try to always keep my promises. If I stick this out, I will be done 2 years from December... Then what?
Too many possibilities. I looked into the going pure IQ route... Something odd happened when I began that; the tv got hacked and the first show on was IQ. My Mom tried to connect with me while watching this show. She explained that I was like Katherine and I needed to get in touch with my heart and let it guide me. I haven't thought much about her advice over the years, or the movie. But, this on Friday, I remembered all that she wanted for me.
Perhaps it's not possible, but I believe that anything can be learned, even emotion. The more I look into psychology, the more I am convinced that Bella and I have a shot at normal human interaction beyond our small circles. After all, emotion is just another language to master.
Perhaps that may be a path that I will take. learning to communicate to the general public and teaching those like me to apply their intellect to the practice of real connection with other people. It could flop but, if I succeed, my children will have a future with happy interactions that I had to fight for. OH! my Bella! if only I could have been motivated sooner, perhaps I could have cracked the code before now. For now, I do a lot of exposure to social situations and walk her through the normal cues and nonverbals that she is oblivious to and I learned the hard way.
Perhaps, one day, there will be hope. Now I watch helpless with only the option to homeschool until she's old enough for the GED.... So many thoughts. Once again, I see at the end of my thinking what path I want most. That which occupies my waking and sleeping thoughts, help my beloved children to cope with life. If I find it, and I usually find what I'm looking for, then I will have given my darlings the greatest thing a mother can; wings, and a future.... I will think on this more. I do like the train my thoughts are taking. But I still have time and anything can happen.
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